I immediately become concerned when someone calls me on my iphone and addresses me by, "Mr. Shay." I become more worried when after those two words, I hear the following, "I am a Counselor at Oak Valley Middle School and I am getting this third hand, but a parent, knows another parent, who isupset what your son posted on Instagram."
I paused momentarily, (holding my breath) waiting to hear what terrible thing Raymond had posted which resulted in both an upset parent and a middle school counselor calling me. The counselor then said, "Your son posted a picture of a helmet on Instagram and wrote below it, "I love helmets."
I suddenly found myself staring at my phone wondering if I had heard him correctly. I asked him to repeat it and he said the same sentence again. I wondered how anyone could be angry at our son for such a thing. After all it is my fault. I have repeatedly emphasized to Troy, Raymond and Ryan that they had to wear helmets, because I had arrived at too many accident scenes where I had witnessed the tragic effects, when helmets were not worn.
I then told the school counselor the reason Raymond, "loves" helmets. I explained it is because that thin layer of protective foam and hard plastic is the only thing that had saved his life. There was momentarily silence on the other end.
To skip to the chase, a classmate of our son who he likes very much, was badly injured when she fell and hit her head while riding a skateboard without a helmet. Everyone at Oak Valley Middle School and the community are very concerned and care greatly about her and her entire family.
Despite the family being frequently in our thoughts and prayers, someone, somewhere thought our son was being insensitive and complained to the school administration. Which was clearly never his intent. Raymond like everyone else was saddened to hear of her injuries.
To help explain the "full story," I told the school counselor I would post the following story, I wrote in 2011 that outlines our son's close brush with death, when his helmet was destroyed in a skate boarding accident. I hope this story can encourage more kids to wear helmets and stay safe.
(
Reprinted from eWeekly 2011
all rights reserved)
"11-41 code 3" are the San Diego Regional radio codes used when an ambulance is needed as quickly as possible. That request results in a fire engine and an ambulance staffed with paramedics responding to the scene. It is only used when help is really needed. An ambulance never gets there soon enough when you are trying to get help for your own child.
Earlier this week, our 10 year old middle son, Raymond walked into our living room with his "little buddies" complaining he fell off of his skateboard. I call them his, "little buddies" because they are great kids, just a little shorter than him.
Raymond had the typical scratches from a fall on a skateboard and complained of his left wrist hurting. I was not overly concerned. I looked up from my IPAD and asked the question that if answered incorrectly results in immediate discipline, "You had your helmet on right?"
Raymond's response was a very clear, "Yes" tinged with a hint of frustration from our constant hounding of all our kids about the importance of wearing a helmet. This self admitted parental paranoia is from seeing too many bad things happen to other peoples children that were not wearing a helmet or who failed to secure it properly.
As Theresa walked into the living room of our home, I got a bag of ice for Raymond's wrist and had him sit down on the couch. I then went back to the sanctuary of my IPAD. Within about a minute, I heard a nervous laugh from one of Raymond's, "little buddies". I think it was Nick or Jake who said something like, "Raymond you fell off your skateboard and hit your head. Don't you remember?"
After hearing the same question asked yet again from another one of his friends, I set down my IPAD. I admit it. I raised my voice and said rather sternly at Raymond, (who can be very funny at times) "Hey knock it off. Stop joking around." Troy our oldest son then looked calmly at me and said, "He isn't joking dad". Our seven year old son, Ryan who was standing in the middle of the room kept looking between Raymond and Troy and then at me to see If Raymond was in really in big trouble with his dad or not.
As Raymond looked around the room he appeared confused as he said again, "How did I get here? What happened?" I then saw the crocodile tears begin to leak out the corners of his beautiful almond shaped eyes and roll down his cheeks. It was not pain or sadness that caused the tears. Raymond was simply scared. He did not know what was happening to him.
I then looked down next to the couch and saw the helmet he had been wearing when he crashed. There was a jagged vertical crack running the full length of the back of the grey plastic. I knew then it was time to get professional help and I probably should not have yelled at him. Brain injuries or concussions can turn ugly very quickly.
In a crisis situation it is very common to sense that time slows down. When Theresa and I talked many hours later, we recalled exactly the same thought at the same time. I recall dialing 911 on my cell phone and showing her the numbers to avoid frightening Raymond.
Though my thoughts were on the pending arrival of the ambulance and Raymond's injury, Theresa and I both also thought of another young man. That was the nephew of John and Mary Still who live in 4S Ranch. His name was Lance Atkins.
A few years ago, Lance was riding a skateboard in the Pt. Loma area of San Diego. He was an exceptional kid as well as a great skateboarder. Lance skated with prowess and confidence.
Despite his great skating ability, he unfortunately and tragically bumped his skateboard against a curb and fell unexpectedly backwards. Very similar type of fall that Raymond had just experienced. As I waited for 911 to answer, I recalled John telling me his nephew had died within a few hours of the accident. I knew Lance did not have a helmet on at the time of his accident and I could only hope that Raymond's helmet was a game changer.
Even with the protection of a helmet we realized Raymond was not right. The emergency services performed as billed. They placed him on a back board and carried him from our living room to the ambulance among a sea of neighbors who had gathered out in front of our home. The children were excited by all the uniforms and lights while by the look on the parents faces, we knew they each sensed the seriousness of the situation.
Our neighbors were awesome as always. The stepped up like they always do and took our other boys while Theresa accompanied Raymond
to the hospital in the ambulance. Many hours later after a battery of tests, including a cat scan we were told Raymond had a concussion but that he was going to be OK. He would be required to wear a padded head gear in soccer, but the helmet had saved Raymond's life. Only by the grace of God...
In closing, I apologize for going long on today's story. My hope is by sharing this unexpected detour in our lives it can help pass on the importance of children wearing helmets. I also want to thank John and Mary Still who were kind enough to share their personal story of their nephew, Lance Atkins. I am quite sure despite his death he will never be forgotten by his family or his friends. And hopefully through sharing their tragedy, it can help protect other kids.
Please have a safe week.
Ray & Theresa Shay
Copyright 2013 All Rights Reserved. No duplication of this material without written consent of Shay Realtors.
etimes good and yet more frequently, not so good. On one end was the negative, non-smiling priests who I was honestly afraid of and a few bad apples who had so severly damaged our religions reputation over the years, by abusing children and the incompetent supervision which not only tolerated the behavior, but covered up their unthinkable crimes. 
s first communion. As the mass went on and Monseigneur Dolan spoke, smiled, and laughed, I felt the teeter totter rising up. I then saw all the beautiful children in their Sunday best walking up to receive communion.