Our family attended a party this past weekend where we were surrounded by young adults who only yesterday seemed like they were just children and now were suddenly high school graduates. It was a time to celebrate. As I sipped an ice cold Stella Artois beer, I mentioned to a good friend how time seemed to be passing by so quickly and how incredibly promising our next generation is.
He enthusiastically agreed, and we talked for a while on other topics, before he lowered his voice, signaling he wanted to talk privately about something else. He then spoke softly, almost in a hushed tone as he told me the fatal traffic accident, only a few blocks from where we were celebrating, had shaken up several people in our community. I told him that I had heard the same thing from other area residents.
He then said, "You must be used to it since you were a cop for so long." I thought about what he said as our conversation weaved through other subjects, but I privately came to the conclusion he was wrong. Police officers and other emergency service personnel really do not, "get used to" seeing death and other
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| Days later, CHP Investigators return to gather additional data at deadly car accident location |
tragic events, but more accurately, we understand how our brain and sub-conscious will react to seeing life and death from the front row. Through practice, we have developed some tools to work through it.
I hope by talking about the recent tragedy, it will help all those brave moms, dads, and citizens from our community who stopped at the horrific traffic accident and heroically did all they could to help the victims.
As the first responder, you first need to realize you truly are heroes and like the vast majority of heroes, there will be no awards ceremony, no money scattered at your feet and certainly there will be no crowds of people cheering your name. You just get to deal with the trauma you suffered and come to the realization that even though you can't stop the never ending replays of the critical incident in your brain, you really are not going crazy.
I realized the freak car accident discussion would flip one of the many, "triggers" in my own mind from past experiences. It was like suddenly releasing a batch of Hot Wheel cars so they could zoom around that little race track in my second brain. I knew the flag was raised when the subject of a person dying in a car accident was brought up.
I was prepared for the race. Each was a memory of a fatal traffic accident I had experienced as a police officer. Some of the memories I could see every minute detail while others had thankfully faded. I could hear the "whir" as they started racing around the track. Each one repeating their own tragic memories in my brain.
It is that "whir" and the repeated, constant replaying of the details of the incident that is confronting many of the people who were at the traffic accident scene. It's OK. It is completely normal. Your subconscious is trying to make sense of what you witnessed. It is just part of being a caring and loving person.
If you were really crazy, it would not bother you at all. The repeating video will often return at the most inconvenient times and cause you to stare off into space. You then feel bad because you feel like you cannot tell your partner or friend that yet again you were back at the accident scene. The frustration builds where the more you try to hide it the more it repeats. People who do not understand will get frustrated and think or say, "Hey, get over it." They just don't know.
Two Brains
Continued
I parked by a damaged car sitting near the center median where a couple of civilians were talking to the injured driver. While radioing for CHP and paramedics, I looked to my right and saw a second car badly damaged in the middle of the freeway. I thought it must be empty because all the hundreds of cars were stopped facing the vehicle but there was no one around it.
I could hear the deep hissing of the broken radiator as I approached it and saw the growing puddle of hot black oil as it spilled on to the hard gray colored roadway. I then saw the young woman who was not any older than the kids at the party. She had beautiful brown hair and her skin was smooth as porcelain. As I spoke to her, I realized she had been all alone since the accident occurred and not a single person had opened a car door or approached her. They just sat and watched.
As I radioed for a second paramedic unit and SDFD heavy rescue, I remember looking at all those hundreds of faces looking back at me from their stopped cars. I was too busy to dwell on it, but I knew a
t that moment there there was not a single hero among them.
I continued to talk to the young woman and my only solace was that she was no longer alone. I truly believe when people are severely injured or their spirit is leaving this beautiful planet they can still hear what you say and in some way feel that you care enough to be with them.
Each of you did all you could to help the people in the car. You are our heroes. Now get to a professional to talk about what you felt so when something triggers your memory of that tragic day, the memory you see looping round and round won't be so clear and you can hopefully just barely hear the "whir." Then you can really move on.
You could be experiencing ASD, (Acute Stress Disorder) or if it extends over thirty days, it may be PTSD, (Post Trauma Stress Disorder), (click on this link concerning PTSD). Some people may incorrectly think you must have been in an overseas war campaign to suffer from PTSD. Not so. Everyone knows I am clearly no doctor, but I think you can suffer from PTSD from things that don't go "boom" or have automatic gunfire involved. Really tragic events can even be more damaging to your psyche if it is experienced quietly or alone.
Why is it we can twist an ankle stepping off a curb and we will go see a doctor the same day, while on the other hand, we experience death, depression, or a severe traumatic incident and we refuse to go talk to a licensed professional for years?
What is even more stupid, is under most medical plans psychological counseling is fully covered. Flip your $20 co-payment to the receptionist and tell the doctor you can't sleep, or tell them how a sound or certain smell puts you right back in that tragic moment. Don't make seeing a doctor such a big deal.
I know most dads at the accident scene will try and walk it alone. by putting the tragic events in a vault and locking it away. You moms' are a different breed. You are like a grizzly and tough old war veteran with the butt of a cigar hanging out of your mouths. You are too 
darn busy dealing with other people's problems to have any of your own, so you will try and put the memory away neatly, like in a Ziploc bag with "double lock" and push it to the back of the kitchen cabinet. If you do so without talking about how you feel, the suppressed memory will get all nasty and stinky, (yes, even in the Ziploc II with freshness protection).
darn busy dealing with other people's problems to have any of your own, so you will try and put the memory away neatly, like in a Ziploc bag with "double lock" and push it to the back of the kitchen cabinet. If you do so without talking about how you feel, the suppressed memory will get all nasty and stinky, (yes, even in the Ziploc II with freshness protection).
When the memory gets all infected and finally comes out, it will be much harder to deal with. It is not a like a good wine that gets better over time, it is trauma. I have tried both ways and so has the City of San Diego. That is why following any OIS (Officer Involved Shooting) we are required to speak with a doctor or we don't go back in the field until we do. If we're not cleared for duty we remain behind a desk. The ultimate punishment.
Some of you will claim you are really not heroes. You might say, "Ray, anyone would have helped the man and the woman." Just like you're delaying to see a doctor, you're wrong yet again. I will give you just one example.
It was a crystal blue spring morning when I arrived post-collision a
t a traffic accident on southbound Interstate 15. I drove my police car on the shoulder to get to the accident scene as all six lanes of this major interstate had come to a dead stop.
t a traffic accident on southbound Interstate 15. I drove my police car on the shoulder to get to the accident scene as all six lanes of this major interstate had come to a dead stop. |
| Flowers left at crash scene. |
I'll sign off this week with a hope and a prayer to the victims in the accident and each of you that rushed to their aid. You really are amazing people.
Sincerely.
Ray and Theresa Shay
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