It was a cold winter evening when I stepped out of the borrowed pick up
truck in front of our small home in Albuquerque, New Mexico. The engine
was idling roughly as it pushed out clumps of hot, moist exhaust which
turned quickly into little, white clouds that floated mysteriously down
our darkened street.  |
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The Shay Kids (minus Joe)
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Moments earlier, I had thrown an old, green duffel bag into the bed of
the truck with all my worldly possessions. I knew it was my last few
hours in my hometown. I was lucky. I grew up in the same house with my
parents, four brothers and two sisters. It was the only home I had ever
known.
I
tried my best to slow my heart rate as I took large strides running up
the concrete steps that my father and brothers had built when I was just
an infant (see right). I knew I was about to say goodbye to my family,
but I was so excited about moving to California to become a police
officer, nothing else mattered. It was all I ever dreamed of.
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Detective Longstreeet
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I
opened our old, wide front door and made my way down the narrow hallway
to my parents' bedroom. The same hallway where my little brother, Joe,
was almost knocked unconscious when he tried running down it with his
eyes closed because he was pretending to be the blind detective from the
seventies show, "Longstreet."
I still recall Joe looking up with a growing lump on his forehead and a
dazed look on his face, as we all of course started laughing
hysterically.
I opened my mom's bedroom door and sat down on the edge of her bed as she set her book
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Mom
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down. I told her I loved her and said I was leaving. She warmly said,
"come here old bean." I still don't know exactly what "old bean" means,
but we hugged, and she gave me the "be careful" look before trying to
discreetly wipe a tear from her left eye.
My mom then managed half a smile as she said, "it's time." She then picked her book back up and began reading again.
I
stood and walked out of her bedroom and shut the door. I found my
father by his bar in the kitchen and gave him a quick hug and then ran
to the truck without ever looking back. My mom never told me, but I
suspect she probably put her book back down after she heard me drive off
in that old truck. She would have never wanted me to see her cry.
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San Diego
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I didn't feel very sentimental at the moment. The truck was running, I
was just 20-years-old, and I knew in about 12 hours I would be arriving
in San Diego, California. I could not wait to enjoy the warm breezes
filled with the smell of the ocean, surfing, the countless palm trees
and the California babes. Not necessarily in that order.
It
was my next adventure. Pursuing new challenges seemed easy because all
of us kids were fueled by the support of our family who never babied any
of us seven kids and encouraged us to take risks. Which brings me to
the darn bears. I think I finally know what my mom felt like on that
cold winter night when I said goodbye.
I used to secretly cringe when Theresa and our three boys would walk past a Build-A-Bear store at
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Goodbye bears...
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I
always bit my tongue and just provided the credit card wondering how
long it would take to pay off the little, overpriced costume on the
stuffed animal. I knew giving until it hurts is just part of being in a
Chinese or any other family. I always wondered to myself, wouldn't a
Walmart bear be just as good?
Soon
all the bears had their own names, and ever since Ryan could walk he
would call for a different bear by its name to sleep with him. The bear
selected was so lucky to be tucked warmly under his right arm. In the
short nine years of his life, I don't think I missed more than 20 times
kissing him goodnight and seeing his arm wrapped around one of the
bears.
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Bo Bear
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Then last week, I came home later than normal, and Ryan was already asleep
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Army Bear
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in his bed. In his darkened room I leaned over and kissed him and
patted his back, and I noticed his arms were empty. I saw the light
shining in from the hallway and saw Army Bear was lying by his bed on
the ground. That had never happened before.
I
walked directly to our bedroom and asked Theresa a little harshly,
"What the heck is going on? Ryan does not have a bear with him?" Theresa
looked up from her book and said nonchalantly, "he said it was time." I
snapped back, "he did not say that!" Of course, Theresa looked at me
like I was wacko and responded, "Yes, he did. He is nine-years-old. He
just said, it was time."
I
guess I knew in my gut he is getting older, but in my heart I wanted to
run back into his room and stuff that stupid little bear back under his
arms. I felt it was too early for him to move on. I then thought for a
moment about what my mom would have done. No one ever said being a
parent is easy.
I know I probably slumped my shoulders and sighed before slowly closing our bedroom door. I think my mom would be proud.
Ray and Theresa Shay
2013 - All Rights Reserved
