The Stinky Trash Can by Ray Shay

The Stinky Trash Can 

By Ray Shay   

  
We had a standing rule in our car that while driving our children to their competitive sporting events, they could select the music. Their song choices have been broad and varied and I think they have enjoyed the freedom to select what they wanted to hear.

That rule suddenly changed last Saturday morning while I was driving one of our sons to play a cross town rival. I thought I heard the singer drop the, "n-word."  My suspicions proved correct when the singer said it once again, and by the third time, I reached over and turned the radio off.
My son was surprised and started to argue about his Fifth Amendment rights, my earlier promises they could play whatever music they wanted, and his final argument was, "all the popular songs use that word."  I know it was a visceral reaction, when I looked him in the eye and said songs using that word will never be played in our car.

After a few minutes he said, "fine." He then played a song with the weirdest set of sounds I had ever heard.  As we pulled into the high school parking lot and he reached into the back seat to grab his gear, I commented on his selection. He replied dryly before shutting the door, "It is the same song without the words."

As I watched him walk away I thought about my parents and my mom specifically who often told us seven kids, "You don't have to stick your head in a trash can to know it stinks."  I knew I had to find a way to re-approach our adolescent son and try to convince him why that word was off limits. By doing so, I knew I would have to tell him why I hate that word so much ...

 
It was the late 1960's when I first recall anyone using the "n-word." Thankfully my parents were way ahead of the curve on the importance of equality and what was right and wrong.  

I remember I was about nine or ten years old when a friend of mine called some dark holiday nuts a racist nickname.  I did not realize it was improper and naively thought that was just what people called them. 

I recall walking on to our front porch holding a basket of those dark, long nuts when I asked my father if he wanted any.  His response was quick and immediate.  I suddenly found myself lying on the ground with the basket and those dark nuts scattered around me. He made it clear the, "n-word" was never to be used.

  

When I became a police officer, I encountered racist people. They always turned my stomach. Despite what some people may say or what you see on national news, I never once saw a sworn law enforcement officer act in a racist manner.  It never would have been tolerated by his or her peers, or the San Diego Police Department.

Agent Thomas Riggs

Later in the day, I was again alone with my son.  I told him what happened on my front porch, a very long time ago.  I then asked him to think of two of his best friends while I told him a story about two fellow SDPD Police Officers named Agent Thomas Riggs and Officer Donovan Jacobs.  

I summarized how they conducted a traffic stop where a highly trained martial artist named Sagon Penn turned uncooperative and ultimately began fighting Officer Donovan Jacobs.

Within a matter of seconds he disarmed Officer Jacobs and shot him in the neck (partially paralyzing him).  Penn then used the same gun to shoot Agent Tom Riggs three times and then walked over to the marked police car and shot the female, civilian ride along, twice.  Penn then removed Agent Riggs handgun from his duty belt as he lay dying on the dirt driveway and stole the police car, running over Officer Jacobs as he fled the scene. 

  

Click here to read more about the incident.
Penn's Defense Attorney alleged at the subsequent trials that somewhere in the confrontation that terrible word was used. I don't believe it, but that is what defense attorney's do.  They represent their clients best interests and it was in his best interest to leverage that hateful word.

I still recall that sunny June day in 1985 when Sagon Penn was cleared of all charges and walked out of jail a free man. After I loaded my shotgun and placed it in the electronic dashboard mount of my patrol car, I just sat there for a few minutes with the air conditioning on full speed.  I kept asking myself how that could have happened?

I spoke with our son privately and then we discussed the use of that word as a family.  They figured it out.  I hope our sons never forget the importance of equality and staying out of the trash can of bigotry and hate.

I did not have the heart to tell our children that Tom and his wife Colleen had an infant son named "Adam" when he was killed in the line of duty.  Another example of a Police Officer who never had the enjoyment of seeing his child compete in team sports or the opportunity to help his son identify what is right and what is wrong in this big, complex world.

I can only hope that one day that hate filled word will leave our lexicon.


Enjoy your week,

 

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